Why / Not

The thought occurred to me last night that I honestly don't know why I'm in college.

Yes, I know that everyone goes through this small identity crisis, and that "a year from now, you'll finally know what you want to major in," blah blah blah. And yes, I know I've probably plagued this blog countless times with my quips about a lack of direction in University.  But the completion of this thought has never really hit me until last night as I was getting my back pack ready for the next day. I finally experienced the sense of a complete and total question mark weighing heavy on my shoulders.

Tomorrow, I was to get up from bed early in the morning and walk to a school that I don't necessarily hate or love passionately and listen to Knowledge being spoken to me in voices that sometimes don't even carry past the sound of the air conditioning.

(The voice of Knowledge has also turned out to be a bit quirky this semester as well, in regards to my Philosophy Professor who is a bit hard of hearing, and speaks in the voice of a wizened and not so animated Daffy Duck).

And maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not really sure if I love anything in college. But that's me talking Today. Tomorrow I might sincerely love a Subject, or a Teacher, or the feeling of walking to and from classes. Who knows...

All this to say, I certainly don't hate college.

So as it turns out, the reason for me being in college is not the "Why should I be in college?" but the "Why not?" Not any sort of love for any certain subject, but simply because I don't necessarily hate anything in the makeup of college at all.

On top of all of this love and hate is my love for something quite outside of college in general: Music. And it turns out I'm in a pretty good place with all of that-- I just recorded and Ep, it'll be released soon. I'm looking to put together a band with my friend Ben, and we're looking to start playing shows. This love is going somewhere, while college feels as stagnant as any Sophomore would have it feel.

It's an odd jumble, isn't it?

I've come to accept that there probably is no solution to this problem. To graduate seems inevitable, not because of any sort of huge desire to do so, but because I'm just driven by another "Why not?"

After reading all of this, I've realized that perhaps that's a poor way to live. I'm just confused by a conflict of desires and my incredible aptitude for indecision.
We'll see how this semester goes.

Here's to the "Why nots!"