Indie Furront.

College starts tomorrow.

My mind has never felt so empty before. All my idealistic sentiments about the world and my role in it and God and religion and music and art and Love and Romances have, somewhere in the midst of this Christmas break, seeped out of my brains and onto the floor, forgotten amongst the small particles of dust that we trample on every day without realizing. I feel like an empty sea shell that used to have a crab or a crawdad living inside it, but the crawdad left whilst I was busy sleeping and now I wake up to find myself alone. Hopelessly empty. Or the Ashton Cutcher player that you see in commercials these days, where you wake up and find that the person you fell asleep with the night before had decided some time during the night to slip away because you snored too much or something. You wake to find yourself alone and empty and gross.

I have very high regards for my relationship to my idealistic sentiments, as you can see.
I suppose you might say, "Oh, Isaac, that's perfectly normal. It's okay if you feel that way. Everybody feels that way."
 Your few words of encouragement might be all well and good, but the words I'm hearing when you say that are: "Isaac, you're completely unoriginal with your feeling the way you are, so don't feel special for feeling out of place because you're not special or singular. You're just lame and mainstream is what you are." Oh gosh, I'm so hopeless. I'll take some good-natured encouragement from you and turn it against you because I'm just so melancholy and insecure.
Anyway, I don't know how to feel anymore... about anything. Who am I, exactly? Do I like eggs? Do I not like eggs? How do I feel about classic literature? Do I like it enough to make a career out of it? Or do I hate it? I honestly can't tell you one way or the other. Is electronic music bad? Is it good? Should I play it? Should I play accordion instead? Do I even like musical theater? Should I even bother with it? What would Isaac do? I don't know... he doesn't know. Neither of us do.

Indifferent.
That's what we are. Indifferent, we say!

What is it inside of us that makes the decisions about what we like to do and dislike to do? What determines that we enjoy football and not hockey? Or neither? What determines our taste in clothes? What motivates us to care or not care about what people think about us? What inside of us moves us to value loyalty to friends over self-indulgence? Why is Isaac asking so many questions?
He doesn't know, and neither do I.
Why do I write this blog?
Why do I even care about the Why's?
It's 6:56 p.m. and I'm listening to Pandora. I started out with it set to Sigur Ros, but somehow it evolved into some post-modern-classical piano pieces. I like it. I like Sigur Ros too. And tic-tacs. I like the right side of the car, as well, when we're driving. And the summer. I think...

I've been in the car for more than a total of 20 hours of traveling in the past week. I thought I would have my life figured out if I had twenty hours to think... But nothing's figured out. I think I even took a couple too many steps back  into an empty mind. Am I stupid?

Ballet tomorrow.
Do you wear the tights over the dance belt, or the opposite? I have no idea what I'm doing.
Peace and Love and Justice... I think. If you think you value those kinds of things, then go for it.
We're indifferent.

Nostalgia

Since my sleeping schedule has been messed up so severely, thanks to just one late night out with friends, which led to other late nights, which led to even later nights, which led to being awake at four o'clock in the morning, I decided (under the persuasion of Mother) to clean my overdue messy room. In the process, I came across my weekly planner that I had kept since the late December of 2009. Being that I never keep track of things very well (let alone school planners), I am excessively pleased with myself that I have contradicted this forgetful nature of mine and have held onto it for a little over a year now. It struck a note in me when I turned to the last day and it was coincidentally marked January 2nd, 2011.

Today.

Well, yesterday if you want to go into semantics. But it was the day that I had just spent. I melancholically crossed it off, along with all the other days that I had forgotten to once school had let out. So now the planner is all planned out and I am in need of another one for the new year to come.
But I'm not thinking of that just quite yet. I've actually spent the last half hour poring over this thing and giggling, laughing, grinning, and crying to myself. Well, not really. But I have been moved towards those general directions in little ways. (And I just looked up if it's "pouring over" or "poring over," just to avoid looking little among my grammarian friends).

To amuse myself and perhaps you in consequence, I shall now post that which I have found scrawled over this old notebook. It consists of notes, lyrics, wishes, and muses, and (on occasion) actual assignments. To make sure I don't bore you or myself I shall only include the stuff I find most interesting.
Enjoy!




For Whom The Bell Tolls- Ernest Hemmingway
A Moveable Feast- Hemmingway
John Donne
We were studying Hemingway. I was intrigued. John Donne's the man.

Eighteen years ago, 
I dropped into this world below
Lyrics for a song I never finished (written just as I turned eighteen)

Sandcastles in the Sun
The beginning of the song Sandcastles

Some Algebra rubbish

Shall I prove to you that I can do what you can't?
No.
No, I shan't.


I have potential.
Exponential potential.

January 26, 2010
Nathanael Hawthorne (Circled)
H.G. Wells (Crossed Out)
Hellen Keller (Crossed Out)
Emily Dickenson (Crossed Out)

My choice for my last Research Paper

An accurate account for the Senior Trip
Tucson (Jonathan!)
San Diego Beach (Act like birds on the shoreline)
San Diego Zoo. Beach.
Knott's Berry Farm
B-Dubs. Back to El Paso
Olive Garden- back to Mexico


God created us. Therefore, he created every single one of our characteristics-- our likes, dislikes, habits, weaknesses, humor, strengths, music tastes, etc. Based on his absolute knowledge of our characteristics that he made, he knows exactly how we shall act, what choices we shall make with certain decisions, where we will make mistakes, where we will succeed, etc. We still have a free will and can make decisions for ourselves, but our decisions are based on ourselves and our characteristics, which God created. So at the same time, we have a free will, and Godknows what will happen and is in complete control.


Travel wish-list
France- Paris
France-D-day sight Operation Overlord
Turkey- Seven churches from the Bible
Greece- Greecian Landmarks?
Italy- Rome, Grandpa's tour


Love,
Love, 
Love,
Listen closely
cuz I'll only
say this once
etc.

The beginning of my Senior Will
I, Isaac Middleton, being of really really super awesome mind and somewhat less incredible body, do hereby write some sort of will [according to the New Testament] That last bit was crossed out...


I get so caught up in saying no to every temptation that I forget to follow you.




List of future major possibilities
English Lit.
Music Composition
Photography


Jesus' sacrifice made it possible to obtain salvation regardless of our works. Why, then should I do good works?


May 1, 2010
Hello, May. I've been waiting a loooooooooong time for you.


June 1
Goodbye, Chihuahua


June 3
Hello, Bowling Green


September 30
Sex Paper for Psych Due....


And the rest is just a lot of rot (as British folk of the twenties liked to say).

Hmmmm... I think I'll use my next planner next year even more so. Can't wait.

Thanks for reading
-Isaac

I Made A New Blog

Again.
But this one's different!
http://fiftytwosongsayear.blogspot.com/
I hope I don't fizzle out

In June

Listen to this while you read:









When I was in high school, I didn't mind the new year. The only thing I never liked was when I had to write the dates on the top right corner of my homework assignments. Oh, the frustration when I had to erase one number, from 2008 into 2009, and then accidentally erasing part of my name so that it became Isaac Middlesmudge.


I want to do music my whole life and nothing else.

Tonight, I was laboring over a song and I hit a rough point. Nothing was coming together and it just sounded awful. My harmonies were always flat and my pronunciation was just boring. I was fed up with the whole thing that I just shut my computer and sat, staring at a wall. I guess you could call that pouting. But it was then that I realized: my music isn't striking. It's noob music. It's home-grown, imperfect music. Sure, it's significant to me, because I make it. It's significant to my friends because of just that, I'm their friend. However, to the world at large? My music is the music that someone would accidentally find and pass over because it simply isn't striking enough. My voice isn't clean. My guitar picking is ambiguous. My lyrics follow the same basic patterns, usually pointing out some flaw in the world or myself and woe-ing over it for a couple lines. I follow the verse-verse-chorus trend, and my pronunciation is generic while my tone is sometimes either flat or sharp or too bright or too mellow. As far as music quality, I give myself an honest C-. Below average. At the point I'm at right now, there honestly is no hope for me for a future in the music industry.

However.

I'm eighteen. I have zits (I don't know what that has to do with anything), I'm in college (it's such a distraction). I'm young and haven't been able to explore my full potential. Sure, the songs I make now may not be much. But they're a start. At least that's how I look at them. A start.
And I guess music isn't about being the next Jeremy Larson or Priscilla Ahn or Owl City or whoever. But music is sort of all I have. I see no future in English and I don't think I was meant for Musical Theater. The only place I feel at home is behind music. Call that a tragedy, if you must. But at least for now, I think I'm decided. I want music.

And I guess now would be an appropriate time to announce to the world:
I'm officially recording an album this June. At least that's the plan for now. Me and a good buddy o' mine (Evan van Kirk) who will produce me. Hopefully, we'll have a materialized musical product by the end of June. If nothing else, I have something to call my own that I'll be happy with. I think after that I'll make a pilgrimage down to San Diego and play on street corners and sell my cds to the masses. I have a couple ideas for songs. Any suggestions?

Jack is lonely...

An hour ago I woke up (3:00 pm). I took a ten minute shower, got a cup of coffee that my mom made, put on Priscilla Ahn, and am now sitting comfortably on a big fat arm chair that I like to read books in. My dog is barking incessantly and instead of pitying him and putting down what I'm doing right now and playing with him, I get annoyed at him for being so terribly loud and turn up my music.
My day is practically wasted away already and I'm not feeling any bit selfless. In fact, I feel more selfish than I've ever felt in my life. Rawr!!!
All this to say, I'm going to go put on a decent pair of shoes and a jacket and get that bone that Jack likes so much and play a good thirty minutes. Poor kid.... his whole world is inside that twenty-yard space of mud.
G'bye!

I'm Cliche'. I can't even get the apostrophe right in 'cliche''

What a weird culture we have.
I was sitting at the foot of our poofy brown love seat, staring at our magical talking box (television), watching the inhabitants of the Big Apple lift cell phones to the air, taking pictures of the Ball dropping, shouting in an absurdly joyous way "Happy New Year!" It just sort of hit me how utterly weird we are as a people. A thousand years ago, I wonder if they even celebrated a New Year. The optimistic ones of that age probably celebrated A New Day every day. But I'm sure if a Greco Roman citizen of 70 A.D. were to observe from the MTB (Magical Talking Box) what I had observed, he would be befuddled. Why the silly hats? Why the big Ball of fire with numbers and letters on it? Why the flashy things in their hands? Why all the pomp and confetti?
I guess that's not a very profound thought. But it was just in my head and I thought it might be blog-worthy. Now I'm not so sure....
The New Years. A second chance. I've had eighteen of them so far. I'm sure that's the saddest thing you've ever heard. Eighteen new chances to be a better person, and lo and behold, all you see in front of you is this selfish, ridiculous boy who still doesn't pick up after himself after a meal.... and on occasion picks his nose instead. I do think we need to stop making the New Years and a Second Chance synonymous. Every day should be a second chance.
Wow. I just became trendy and cliche', which is a No No among the Hipster culture, of which I beg to be part of. Pretty soon I'll start telling you All You Need Is Love, or some foolishness. Which is something I've also been thinking about.... how the fact that something is cliche' or overused takes away from the truth of the concept, or the beauty of the concept. To say that people should love each other is such an incredibly overused idea. Boring. Gandhi already said this. Eat Pray Love already covered this. Old news. Give me something new. But honestly, nearly none of us have come close to being acquainted with this concept. We just pass it off as cliche' and boring than actually listen to its truths.
This is also found in the music scene. I shall now quote from singer/songwriter/blogger Jeremy Larson.

I was at a bookstore the other day and came across an interesting article in Under The Radar magazine (or one of those indie music magazines).  I didn't actually have time to read the full article, but I did skim though and find some interesting points.  It was talking about how by nature, this "indie" music culture cycles through bands very quickly.  It is now being run by music bloggers who are always on the hunt for the best new music that no one's heard of.  There is a lot of pressure to find something quickly, and be the first to write up a review.  Then, as in many cases, it catches on to other music blogs, and creates this online frenzy of write ups, features and interviews.  

The problem with this, is that many of these bands are still extremely young in their career.  A lot of them haven't had time to fully develop into what they will become as they mature.  I know that doesn't sound like a problem, but there is a dark side to this trend.  When a band passes the point of "cool" and moves on to a "trend", then there is pressure for these same bloggers that discovered them to completely disregard them as just that, a trend.  The sad thing, is that by the time these bands are working on their second album, they are already the band that everyone loves to hate.  And all they did was make an album that a lot of people liked.  

More and more we are only seeing "snap-shots" of the beginning of a promising career of a band, rather than an evolution of creativity throughout a band's career.  It's very hard for bands to keep our attention through a whole album, much less an entire career.  It's a little scary to think that this is what I might possibly have to look forward to.  In this "indie" music culture, people can love me, but only if most people don't.  This probably came across as more negative than I meant for it to be, it's just an interesting observation.  Just imagine if The Beach Boys' album "Surfin' Safari" blew up all over the blogs and they were discarded as a trend before "Pet Sounds" ever came out.  Or if the Beatles had so much success with "Please Please Me", that people were annoyed with them by "Rubber Soul". 

Anyway, I'm sidetracked and am probably boring you. This blog is kind of all over the place. But the man speaks truth, I think.

Apart from deep ideas about the music scene and what 1st Century Greco Romans would think of our culture today, I will add one more thing.

The words I received in Apples to Apples. Apparently, I am Sensual and Delicious, but Careful. I'm Furious!

A Happy New Year to all of you. May you change what you want to change in your life, if there is anything you wish to change. And if you can't make the changes you want, well... don't worry. Nobody can ever be exactly what they want to be.