Alright, so I understand that we are all very busy.

And I understand that when you get busy, you start to believe that you are the only one in this world who is busy.

And I don't know if that's an ego thing, or if you just become so consumed in all of the things that you're doing that you forget that there's somebody else out there in the world (a teacher, or a roommate, or a random stranger walking past you) doing just as many things, and maybe more. Who knows...

But, man, I'm busy.

And seeing as this is the place where I can put all things Isaac at the forefront of this one-way conversation, I want to tell you about it.

Not really for sympathy, because I already get enough of that. Maybe for attention, because I'm just as vain as Benjamin Franklin (though not quite as bright). And maybe just so that I can understand, myself, what all exactly I have going on for me this semester. I want to lay it all out there and see if I'm overstating things when I tell people that I can't make it to their dinner party (thanks for asking) because I'm just too busy.

So...

School.
I'm taking fifteen hours, which definitely isn't that bad at all. I was originally at eighteen, but dropped my Stagecraft class because it didn't make any sense to keep it now that I've dropped the Musical Theatre major.

My other classes are these:
Tap III
Design
American Lit. I
Sociology (Oh yeah, I have a test tomorrow...)
Voice Lessons
Men's Ballet

And that's kind of it. Totally manageable.
My American Lit class is pretty heavy on reading. My Design class is just kind of constant. And my Sociology class is pretty fun, but has a lot of new information that I'm still in the process of wrapping my head around. My Tap III class makes me feel like a complete idiot, though I can tell that it's helping me. My Men's Ballet class is killing my body slowly. And my voice lessons require a good amount of attention.

And they're all really fun classes.

In my Design class, we're talking about color theory-- concepts about colors that I never knew existed. It's so cool. It's like Music Theory, at least in the sense that there's a system of statutes that constitute not necessarily what sounds or looks good, but how certain elements interact with each other.

Like, in Music Theory, you can say that F# is the Major 3rd of D.

In Color Theory, you can say that Blue is a Complementary color of Orange.

There's a science behind it. And these aren't actual rules of nature-- they're just ways of seeing thigns that people have created in order to better understand these things in our lives that are just so freaking mysterious. It's really cool.

Okay, sorry, I got sidetracked.

And I actually have to go. I forgot where I was going with this, but I'll continue it later. I'm working and a tester just walked in.

Thank you for reading,
Isaac

Change

I've been writing in cursive lately.

 It changes how you think about the words that you write. I can't help you understand that or explain it to you-- I guess, if you don't write in cursive, start, and then you'll see what I mean. If you write in cursive, try the other way. Feel the change.

Change.

I hear all the time from people that life is built on change:

 Life always changes,

the world around you constantly changes,

the people around you change.

You, yourself change.

Change is caused from within. Something outside of you can actually change. Your environment can change, someone's personality can change. You yourself can change just based on active decision making to bring about that change.

Change is also subjective. Sometimes the only thing that changes is the amount of information that you have about your environment, or your friends, or yourself. Sometimes nothing changes at all, but everything feels different, because you know what you didn't know before-- or you don't remember what you did know before.

Some of these are my ideas. Some of them are the ideas of other people's minds.

Everyone says change is good.

I think that's a perspective that people have in order to make life easier. If you don't let go while things around you inevitably change, as things slip away from you while you're still holding on, there is tension and conflict and life does not go smoothly.

But if you accept change as something that is inherently good, then you accept that change and do not hold on. You move with the change-- you change with the change. That way growth happens. Change happens. And if change is a good thing, then good things happen.

This is all theoretical-- and all I'm really doing is writing in cursive. I do not really know about any of this first hand. Or maybe I do and I don't realize it. These are just things that I've thought about recently.

Right now, I guess I am going through a change. I'm not a Musical Theatre major any more. I don't know if that matters to you. I guess it's kind of a small thing when you look at the big picture. But I feel so free.

It was like there was a voice that had been yelling at me-- that screamed at me when I was younger, and I would listen to it. But then I started to hush it, to silence it, because there were other voices that sounded more authoritative and more truthful and more listenable than mine. And then eventually I stopped paying attention to even those voices because there was un-truth in them. They were voices that were speaking truths, but not truths applicable to me. I realize I'm being so extremely vague.

And so I was listening to nobody-- not myself and not anyone. I just was. And the voice kept getting quieter and quieter and I started feeling more and more miserable and un-self. It was all a volcano that was about to explode.

And it exploded.

And I'm glad it did.

I broke down. I realized I couldn't go on. I couldn't push myself and pull myself in this machine that I don't fit. I have other things. Other talents. Other gifts. A voice in me that was screaming at me to work on those, to mold those, to spend my time with those and make them great. But I kept hushing it and telling it to shut up.

Something in me made me decide that that wasn't good for me anymore-- the hushing up of my voice. I started listening to it. And I listened and listened and it grew louder and louder, and it moved me to break, and I broke. And now I feel very alive.

I'm a nothing major. I scheduled an apointment with an advisor this week, and I'll be looking into a degree in writing.

I feel so relieved. So free. So myself.

I thought you'd want to know.
Thanks for reading my words,
Isaac