The semester is over. My last final consisted of editing together a zombie film that we shot earlier in the semester. We had to use this editing software that I to this day believe is secretly schizophrenic. When a film professor tells you that your final project will consist of using Avid, run for your life. I would've enjoyed this challenge a bit more if I were more invested in the idea of film as a career, altogether. I dropped the major. I'm sure that comes as no surprise to you, as you know how fickle and double-minded I can be. I'm becoming more and more frightened to invest myself in something, because I never know how long that part of me will want to stay with it. Film, for instance. This time last semester, I was absolutely certain that this was what I wanted out of college. Two weeks into this past semester.... no. Music Theatre? Same thing. English, etc. I changed to Music, and we'll see how long that lasts. In the midst of all this confusion, I've gotten a lot accomplished. I've written a Musical that was performed. I played a Lead role in a studio show. I learned how to edit video on a computer with the worst editing software in the world. I've learned how to examine and pick apart pieces of classical music, identifying non-chord tones, roman numerals, etc. I definitely find myself more capable to do more things, yet I still don't know where, if anywhere, this is all taking me. I like writing musicals. I like acting. I like music in general. I like a lot of things. Am I fooling myself to think that this all has some sort of direction? Nevertheless, I'll hold onto that. It's the only thing that's moving me forward.
The moment I submitted my work was the moment I lost my voice. I'm slowly finding it again. It'll take a while. I've spent more time asleep these past two days than I have awake. I wonder if I was subconsciously making my body hold on until the last possible moment, and then gave it permission to collapse on my face.
I just said Humbug out loud. It sounded normal enough. I think by tomorrow my voice will be as good as new.
So here I am, sitting in a corner of a comfortably empty coffee shop, with only the sound of some country band on the radio, intermingled with the soft conversation of various couples playing cards to move the quiet around.
Friends are gone for the summer, off this way or that for some summer job or other. I think I officially said goodbye to... well... none of them. I do believe I was in bed for that bit. I guess I'll send them a text. Yes, the whole of this semester summed up into a Goodbye text message. Quite. I'll give them a call.
I gravitated to this blog today because I actually had the time and energy to do so. This past semester feels like a very jumbled blur. I remember being happy throughout most of it. But it's more of a general feeling rather than precise moments in my memory. Writing a musical in a semester will do that to you, I suppose. I don't regret any of it.... Writing a musical has made me so much more cliche' than normal. I'll write more about the musical later.
In the mean time, I found work at a theatre company at a state resort on a lake in Kentucky. I don't know what I will be doing, but I will be with friends, and I'll have extra time on my hands to read, write, relax, etc.
It stopped raining, I think. Maybe I just need glasses.
