This weekend, I went with some friends to a lake somewhere in Kentucky. I honestly don't know where it is, even though I drove there. But I can tell you that it was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. A grassy slope, continuing almost forever downward, falling into a great green lake that expands left and right and forwards until it meets the opposite bank, lined with trees on the verge of changing into its fall colors. All of this, under an overcast sky with the sun barely shining through, casting small slivers of light onto the water and grass.
And now I will stop trying to be like William Wordsworth and get on with this here blog thing.
As I sat on the top of that hill, staring at the water far below, with a light breeze on my face, collecting grass stains on my bottom, I couldn't help but start thinking about my life and all the quirks and funny business that is inside it. Beautiful places like this tend to do this to people... make them think.
I started to think about the things in this life that I love. Family... friends... mexican food... etc. and then I began wondering what exactly this love thing was, and where it came from. Was love just a strange invention made by some greek Philosopher back when everyone wore blankets for clothes? Is it just a tradition to say "I love you" to people who make you feel special inside? or is it just a game we all play, tossing the word Love around like a ball to whomever and whatever we please, regardless of how meaningful or trivial the object that our love-ball is tossed towards?
I wish I could answer all those questions. I can only hope that Love is more than a ball or a tradition or an invention. I hope that love is more of a lifestyle, perhaps of selflessness or something noble like that.
I don't think Love is something you can find in the dictionary. I'm sure that if you looked in one, you would find the noun or the verb followed by a few phrases describing with other words what that word means. But that is simply useless, and not to mention boring.
I think that Love is something that you have to find outside of the dictionary-- a very very undefinable word. It's something that one must be patient to experience. It's not some theoretical equation that we would find in a math book.
But I also think that love is a choice, not just some inanimate butterfly that we hope will land on our hearts. Love, whatever it is, is a decision--a choice-- an action. You know what I mean...
Anyway... yeah. Love.
So despite my very poor attempt at defining Love, i then pondered at what things in this life I do love.
In this life, there are two categories for reality: the way things are, and the way things should be.
As far as loving things, I think that this principal applies.
I think the things that I love and the things that I ought to love are two different categories.
I love my family and I love music. I love God, I guess you would say, even though I don't exactly know that much about Him. And, regrettably, I love myself more than any of those.
If I were to make a list of the things I love in descending order, it would be:
1. Myself
2. My family
3. Music
and coming in a close 4th is, embarrassingly enough, God.
As far as music goes, I have just recently realized how useless it would be to Love it. If one thinks about it rationally, Music can never love you back. In fact, it can never be conscious of your love for it. Music itself is not a living thing. It is a pencil and paper. it is a canvas and paint. It is a create-able, moldable, recyclable, intangible substance that can never feel the emotion and gravity of Love.
So why would I love this more than God? Why would I love anything more than God? The personable One who created me with my quirky DNA, who knows me better than my family, or even myself. Why would I love anything more than God?
I don't know... because I'm selfish. Because I am a very Visual being and can only love the person that's right in front of me and not some invisible God.
And as for what I ought to love...
I honestly do think that loving God should be the most important thing. I don't know what that looks like, or what it even means to love God, or who this God really is that i'm loving. But I do know, in my heart somewhere, that this is a very important thing to do.
After that should probably come my family. And then everyone else in the world? I'm not quite sure how that works.
I can't wait to go back to that lake.
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