A hole in the fence

I don't have anything religious to say. I guess I haven't for a long time.  It's a topic that has been mulling over my head these past couple weeks, and I feel like I can't say anything, because that would put a conclusion to the matter, as if I've decided something about God. I've been doing a lot of exploring, though. Mostly through reading and conversation with close friends.

Okay, nevermind. I have something 'religious' to say.

It came to me in a quotation from Shane Claiborne's book Irresistible Revolution.

"Even if there were no heaven and there were no hell, would you still follow Jesus? Would you follow him for the life, joy, and fulfillment he gives you right now?"

A Jesus Christ whose cross had nothing to do with mending the gap between our contemporary ideas of Damnation and Salvation?

I say "our contemporary view" because for some reason I have a hunch that damnation isn't quite just fire and brimstone, and paradise isn't quite roads paved with gold and pearly gates (What's the big deal with golden roads anyway? I feel like that's a bit too gaudy... anyway....)

Maybe I'm interpreting the scriptures too freely, and maybe I'm not even reading them right now, so I'll be the first to say I'm not credible to make such claims. But what if Heaven and Hell started right now, in our mortal lives, in the very states that we're in as human beings?
 I have no idea what sort of life and joy and fulfillment one would get out of following Christ. But I think that's because I've never actually tried to follow Christ. I've talked about following Christ. I've talked to other people and told them to "follow Christ," and I had no idea what I was talking about. I've written songs about following Christ.

But maybe that life and joy and fulfillment is, in fact, Heaven. Perhaps consolidation with the Spirit, the  overarching Being that is God, might be Heaven.
I have no idea what might create that consolidation, but part of me is willing to go to any lengths. Part of me. The other part is shamelessly disinterested.

I haven't reached any conclusions. I want to.  But the constant war of Doubt and Belief won't just die out. And I don't want to settle for anything less than being completely convinced that I am not wasting my life.

Anyway...
So that wasn't religious at all....