Do you ever feel like sometimes, as you go about your life, everything that happens to you starts to have this theme? And you wouldn't notice it unless you really payed attention?
For example, I realized a couple days ago that I would be turning twenty in two months. Twenty. That's half of forty. Meaning, all I have to do is live the exact amount of time that I've already lived all over again, and I will have a valid excuse to look at myself in the mirror and wonder where my life has gone. Where is it going? What does all of this mean, anyway? And holy hell do I have five o'clock shadow already? I hate shaving. That's a scary thought. Phewph. I made myself tense right there.
Shortly after this realization, we celebrated half of christmas a little bit earlier because my sister and brother-in-law were in. I was given a nicely-wrapped present from my sister Haley. It was a rice cooker. You know, the thing you cook rice in.
Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of a rice cooker, and of course I'll be using it in the future. I just never thought I would so quickly arrive to the point in my life where my Christmas presents suddenly consisted of home appliances. Where were the days where I could look forward to Legos and marbles and other boy things? Obviously long gone, especially when the next gift I open is two old-man ties.
What's funny is that I actually really like receiving rice cookers and old ties. It just strikes me as even funnier to admit that. I sound old. So very, very old.
I look down at my wardrobe right now. Tie. Button-down shirt. Khaki's. Calculator watch. It's not even Sunday.
I'm getting old.
I'm starting to think that I'll end up like one of those old guys you see in the commercials about the Hover chair. Have you seen those?
"I was having such a terrible time trying to get around my house in my wheel chair. I thought it was the end of the line for me. I thought I would have to go to a nursing home.....
But thank goodness I found the Hover Chair! Now I can hover around wherever I want and laugh with my grandchildren and try to play golf with my son-in-law. And don't they think of everything! Why, they have a pouch here on the side where I can keep all of my Home and Garden magazines, a glasses holder (I always loose those...) and a good ol' cup holder so that I can lug around with me my favorite beverage wherever I go! Gosh, Hover Chair, you're the bee's knees. Now I can stay old forever!"
I think I'll turn into one of those guys.
Not to make any of you old people feel bad about being old. I like you people; although, I'm altogether scared of your state. But I'm slowly and surely coming your way, whether I like it or not. We're all one and the same.
Getting old has a weird affect on Christmas. Some people say that Christmas looses its magic as you get older. I think that statement is a bit wrong. It assumes that Magic is something subjective--- that it's only real if someone believes that it's real. It's like saying "I"m getting old, so magic itself doesn't exist anymore." Whether I like it or not, the Deep Magic, will exist. (Insert a suggestion to read C.s. Lewis's Surprised By Joy here).
Don't get me wrong. I won't be waiting at my make-believe-Chimney for Santa to squeeze through and watch me sleep and give me presents, so that I could wake up and give him a big hug and ask him what the true meaning of Christmas is all about. No. But Magic is something that is so woven into this reality that it would be preposterous to say it doesn't exist. I know I'm being vague. I'm tired. And Old.
With age, the magic doesn't leave. But Understanding and Discernment arrives, so that we can tell the wonderful Fiction from the wonderful Facts.
I'll stop. Goodnight, and merry Christmas.
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