And At Once I Knew I'm Not Magnificent

Recently, I have been acquainted with Criticism.
In these last couple weeks, pretty much my entire being has been fair grounds for certain individuals to wash their ill opinions over. My scrawniness, my apparent quirkiness, my supposedly wide-eyed view of life, my feminine nature (something quite misunderstood). At least, these were things that I have been accused of, and have thus been criticized over.

Another friend felt it to be a great idea to criticize my musicianship, uttering that I "wasn't a real musician," of which I agree with to a small extent.

At first I took offense. But then I took it into account that this is perhaps how Americans, or yet everyone outside of Binimea, have been brought up to act-- to find traits about a person that might be considered abnormal and to make a joke out of them. I can't say that I like this method of living, but to an extent it isn't their fault. To be brought up in a place where criticism was a part of life, I think it would be very hard to be untouched by it. And at the same time, I have been away from such  "friendly" notions all of my life, so have grown soft, and things people say mean more to me than what most would expect, I guess.

All this to say, I am not resorting to the internet for some petty attention to my "unacquainted sufferings," but rather desire to reiterate the ideas of Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller.
He talks about the metaphor of the Life boat, where everyone is born into this setting where the main goal is to not be thrown off of it. One can acquire this simply by proving their validity as a human being to everyone around them. This can be accomplished simply by being really good at something, and then making sure people acknowledge you for it, to make sure that everyone has a good opinion of what you do. Example: In the states, apparently it's a big deal if you're really muscular. So let's say I'm muscular. I could be terrible with words and not be able to cary a tune, but that stuff doesn't matter. As long as I'm muscular and people see me as the really strong guy, I can stay in the Life Boat. I'm valid.

I despise this system.

Everyone has their own ideas of what is good and bad or ugly and beautiful, based upon their own speculation in their own life experience. But that's just it-- Speculation. Everyone is screwed up, everyone is crappy. So how can their opinion be more valid than the other's? Yet we play up each other's opinions to the point that our entire lives are centered upon if someone has a good opinion of what we do, so that we can find some sort of validity in what we do.
It's nonsense. And I don't want to live this way.

Also to say, no, I am not magnificent. Maybe people speak truth when they say I'm scrawny, both inside and out, and maybe people have some validity in their opinion when they say I'm not a credible musician. But it is a definite evil for one to have the audacity to voice their opinions to one's face, believing that they are speaking complete and valid truths about the universe.

I leave July 27 for Tucson to record my EP with Ben Dunn.
I need to stop being with people and start spending the day in my house with my music. Music has no opinions of what I do.

Joking.

Isaac